Inside or Outside

I have had wanderlust a lot lately. 

So I keep trying to find things I can do that are a little dangerous but aren't going to totally blow what I have.  I find myself wandering downtown looking at lofts, and wishing I could just move into one.  I look at corsets.  I probably spend too much money on toys.   I test drive hot cars I can't afford. I jump into frozen lakes.

I am the responsible one - the one who remembers birthdays, and sends the perfect present.  And bakes. And always goes the extra mile at work.  And is (almost) always the designated driver.

But sometimes, I just want to jump on a plane and go somewhere until my savings run out.  Sign up to be the computer geek at McMurdo Station.  Go to Bermuda and sail back to the Carolinas.  Get lost in Mumbai.  Walk the Santiago De Compostela.  Fly.  Dive. 

As chatty as I can be, its always a big surprise to many people that I am very "internally" driven.  I enjoy people, but I like being alone.  And I do things because I think its the right thing to so; not because it is what others think. I appreciate all my responsibilities.  But I am so much more than the labels people hang on me.

I want to make a change in the world.  Even a little ripple.  When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."